Edifying the TRUE feminine spirit

That's right - the TRUE feminine spirit... Not what the WORLD says we should be but what GOD *made* us to be!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Living with an unsaved husband

“Sister Bertha Holy’s husband is so perfect! And so is Sister So and Sos! They are just so lucky!”

  • Do not EVER compare your husband to other men! Would you like it if he was comparing you to other woman in church? You are setting yourself up for a very, very harmful emotional situation. It’s easy to see the outside appearance; especially if you don’t have to live with them. Remember, NO ONE is perfect: only Christ. All men are just that: MEN. Another good thing to do: spend the day looking at your husband in the same way you looked at him when you first started dating or courting. Remember, that just because you just see him as your ol’ husband doesn’t mean that other women do. Other women will still find him desirable! Why don’t you?
  • Let me give you some advice: DO NOT make a man (not talking about your husband here) your confidante. (aside from your dh and your pastor of course!) Try to find a couple of good Sisters that you can talk to. There are many reasons for this but I am only going to tell you the obvious one: if you feel like your husband isn’t everything you need, telling this to another man sets up an atmosphere of false intimacy that can lead to lustful thoughts or actions. Also, talking about your husband’s faults only reinforce them in your mind. You certainly don’t want to make him look bad so don’t do it.

“My husband should see that there is more to life than just *this*!”

Now that we’ve all agreed that no one is perfect, it’s safe to say that even God fearing men have problems, faults and struggles too. You need to accept that an unspiritual man is going to have many of the SAME struggles (plus a few more) that stem from having a worldly view. He won’t make decisions the same way a godly man will (through prayer or the Word). As far as your dh is concerned, he doesn’t have an ALL POWERFUL God to turn to. That is just how a worldly person lives. You were like that once and so was I. We’ve been in their shoes. Pray and gently offer advice - avoid phrases like, “You should just give this problem to God,” or “Well the Bible says…” Why? Refer back to the 1 Cor. 1:18.

So you think God can convert him in no time? Don’t even start with me on it. You will just get disappointed. Now before you throw the baby out with the bath water know that God’s time is not our time and His ways are not ours. Take each day as it comes and PRAY PRAY PRAY! Even if he converted tomorrow you won’t see much of a change in his habits or attitudes. Were you a godly wife as soon as you found Christ? Probably not.

So you feel like you are the only one suffering? WRONG! It can feel just as bad to your DH to live with you knowing he often lets you down or displeases you with his “worldly” ways. He might even feel a bit shut out in an important area in your life and at the same time feel like you are smothering him with a lifestyle he doesn’t believe in. Take great care not to present yourself as a “holier than thou” martyr.

So what do you do? Unequally yoked couples are spoken of in the Bible. Read 1 Cor 7:12-13. Go ahead! I’ll wait right here. God is pretty clear. He does not want His people to get divorced but again, if you are being physically abused GET OUT NOW! God’s Word makes NO provision for beating a wife.

The best answer I have is the simplest to carry out but most difficult to do with diligence AND faith.


  • Pray that you would be motivated to read God’s strength giving Word every day!
  • Pray that you will be obedient to what the Scripture says about divorce.
  • Pray that God will protect your heart and mind from discouraging thoughts in what might seem like a hopeless marriage.
  • Pray that God will continue to work on your DH’s heart.


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