Submission. The dreaded “s” word. In a circle of women, it could almost be considered a dirty word. I get asked a lot of questions about it. On occasion I am even “told” about it. I just wanted to take a moment and expound on the most frequent statement I hear from other women on submission. I want you to keep one thing in mind with this statement. I hear this statement from Christian women and unbelievers a like. Granted, this will only seem like a valid answer for believers by a believer (and someone who practices submission). But I present it to you, nonetheless.
“I cannot be submissive. I am too hard headed, stubborn, opinionated, independent and I will not be a slave (or servant) to anyone.”
It’s funny how some people think that what the Bible says about any subject seems to apply to anyone but herself. First, I want to start off with what the Bible says about submission using a well quoted passage and then I want to break down the whole statement above and look at it piece by piece and show you that you can do it if you are ready to show God active obedience to His word.
Ephesians 5:22-33 (NKJV) – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I am only going to cover one thing about what it says here to the men. I cover a lot of ground in the full Bible study and if you are interested in it, just email me. If you take a good look at the above passage, it focuses more on what is required from the authority than what is required from the submitted. It tells the wives to submit and respect. It tells the husbands to lead, love and care for us as Christ does for the Church. But one thing it does NOT say is that we ONLY have to submit to husbands that are godly.
Let’s talk about the passage. Just as Christ is not inferior to the Father, wives are not inferior to husbands. We just have different roles. Just as we choose Christ, we choose submission. Christianity is not forced and neither is submission. The Authority is not emphasized but rather self-sacrificial love. You married your husband because you love him. Sometimes we do without something so our children or even our husbands can have something. We make meals the people in our family like. We don’t do any of this because we are forced to do it. We do it (even if it means a sacrifice on our part – because believe me, I can’t stand scrambled eggs with mayonnaise for breakfast, but I fix it in the mornings because my youngest son and my husband loves it) out of love.
Another example. A woman is married and has one child. She finds out she is expecting another child on the way. Daycare is very expensive but she loves her job. She loves her kids too. She decides to quit her job and stay home for a while. She could be sacrificing extra money, new clothes, going out to eat more often and other little extras but she does it out of love.
So let’s go back to our statement. I am now going to break it down into smaller segments so I can answer each part.
“I cannot be submissive. I am too hard headed, stubborn, opinionated, independent and I will not be a slave (or servant) to anyone.”
1. I cannot be submissive.
2. I am too hard headed, stubborn, opinionated, and independent.
3. I will not be a slave (or a servant) to anyone.
First let me say that this is meant for the believing ladies out there that try to live a godly life.
1. I am going to tell you something my grandmother always told me when I said, “I can’t….” She told me that can’t never could. You can do anything through Christ, as He is your strength. The Bible says that in our weakness, His strength is perfect. (2 Cor. 12:9) What type of spot would we be in if Christ said, “I cannot die on the cross. It’s much too painful and I can’t do it.” We’d be going to hell, that’s where we’d be. What a lot of people don’t understand about submission is that it’s not an act of obedience in reference to the husband. It’s an act of obedience in reference to God. Christ says that anything we do for any man, we do for Him. We are not submitting to a man. We are submitting to our God. Makes it a bit easier to follow on, doesn’t it?
2. There is nothing wrong with being a little hard headed, stubborn, opinionated and independent. If I weren’t so hard headed, I wouldn’t be writing this. I hear lots of people tell me not to waste my time or my God given talent on a subject that no one wants to read about or follow through with. If I wasn’t stubborn, I wouldn’t have kept taking my youngest son to the doctor when I knew he was sick even though his pediatrician at the time said nothing was wrong with him…and the he quit breathing and was rushed to the ER. Praise the Lord he is fully recovered. If I weren’t opinionated, I wouldn’t be out preaching the Gospel or teaching on how to be a godly wife and. If I weren’t independent, I couldn’t be a military wife. If I weren’t all three, I wouldn’t have survived growing up with drug addicts and alcoholics for parents. A little dab will do ya. You don’t throw those things down when you are submitted. But you do learn how to measure it all out. The Bible has a lot to say on the power of a spoken word. But if being stubborn, hard headed, opinionated and independent is hindering your walk with Christ, you got yourself a problem. Maybe you’ve tried to shake those habits and it didn’t work. If that is the case, I implore you to rebuke those things every day in Jesus’ Name. Have you ever read about the Proverbs 31 woman? If not, you ought to. Did you know a woman wrote it about the characteristics of a godly wife? She was teaching her son (a young prince) what to look for when it came time for him to pick a wife. Let me tell you, that woman did more in a day than most did in a week. And she is portrayed as a godly wife. She held a job, cared for her family, took care of business affairs and was a blessing to her family. You have to have character to do that. But you don’t have to be mean or have a sharp tongue. Use the back of your Bible and see what the Bible has to say about our tongues.
Believe it or not, it’s in our sinful nature to want control.
Gen. 3:16 - …your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.
The word “desire” can mean a lot of things. Generally it means, “want”. It can also means an attempt to usurp or control. So we can paraphrase this part of the Scripture to say, “Eve (woman) will have a tendency to try to control her husband and he will possess the tendency to act as a tyrant over you.” I bet you didn’t know the battle of the sexes was that old. Both sides strive for control and neither lives in the best interest of the other. We always just try to, “look out for number one”. What if Jesus only looked out for number one? What if He only looked for what was best for Him instead of what was best for the ones He loved (you and me)? It’s a sickness. But there is an antidote. The antidote for this sickness is the restoration of mutual love and (most importantly) mutual respect and dignity through Christ. Re-read the Ephesians passage again now and think about what it really says.
3. We’ve already established that submission is about self-sacrificial love and not slavery. We cook for our children, we wash their clothes, and we drive them places and sometimes we even clean up after them. Does that make us their slaves? No? What does it makes us then? Moms who love them. We might not enjoy cleaning up after them or driving them around a lot but we do it because we love them. Submission is the same. We don’t do it because we are slaves. We do it because we love our husbands. In Ephesians 5:26-27, Paul outlines what Christ did for the church? Just as He loved and died for the Church, so should a husband for his wife. Christ’s death gave the church a choice to be saved (or protected from hell – provided they accept Him and serve Him). A husband should care and protect his wife (provided that she accepts it). Being a servant is a big part of Christianity. We serve Christ. We serve our church. We serve people we don’t know by giving money to different kinds of missions. It’s a servant’s heart. If someone wants to call me a slave, that’s fine. I am a slave of Christ. In Him, I have more freedom than I had when I live in and of the world. I do anything my Lord asks of me and that includes being submissive to my husband. The Bible asks me to do it…it doesn’t say to only do it if your marriage is perfect and your husband is a saint. The Bible does specifically address believing and unbelieving marriages and I cover that in my more in depth study. It simply says, “Wives, be submissive to your husbands”.
I hope this has been a help and a blessing for you. I am thankful to God and praise Him for blessing me with a talent and an undying need to teach on submission. Email me anytime to talk about submission or just to talk. I promise I will not judge you. It is not my place. It is God’s. Not even Jesus came to judge this world but to love it. I can give you a Scriptural reference to that too. (smile)
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